Monday, November 29, 2010

Hoarding Without Substance, Part II

This is what I am in my head. I am wrong.
In my head, I am a Domestic Diva.  I keep a super clean house, so clean that you can eat off of the floor.  I'm always ready to entertain.  I work part-time from home, volunteer with the PTA and my girls' school, cook 5-6 nights a week, give my husband all of the adult time that he wants and needs, and I keep my hair natural and nails done to boot.  I grow my own garden, scrapbook, knit, work-out 4-5 times a week, am debt-free, bake fresh bread, I'm in a book club and so on and so forth.  This is perfection. This is also an alternate universe. :)

In reality... My house is a workable mess...When I entertain, we're doing what amounts to a complete overhaul right up until the minute that company arrives. Then, as the hubby greets guests, I fly upstairs to shower/change and THEN I am ready to entertain. I do work part-time from home, but it's not going as smoothly as it can, because my office is a mess lol! It still has junk in it from the last time we "entertained." It seems to be the catch-all room.  Mornings are a mess, heading out is a mess... because we can't ever find things we need.  I do volunteer with the PTA and their school, but again, it's not always smooth because of our time management.  I'm a caterer who LOVES to cook, but I don't cook every day like I should.  Why? The kitchen has too much clutter and I hate doing dishes. *sigh*  Hubby is patient, but I know he needs more of my attention. I'm so caught up in my day-to-day messes that by the time I'm ready for him, he's knocked out sleep. (Po' thang)  Appearance-wise, I'm ok, I just feel the need to lose some serious weight. I've been working on getting my garden right for the last few years, I have scrapbooking materials everywhere in my house, I can't knit (yet), I still carry debt, I bake bread only out of necessity (too lazy to go to the store lol), my book club memberships are sitting unused and so on and so forth. This is my REAL life.  It sounds even worse when I write it all out lol.
This is more like me in real life. 

All of these things combined make me feel like I am "The Great Pretender."  It's not that I lie to anyone, or try to make everything seem like it's perfect. I don't. But I think I lie to myself.  Pretty lies... but they cover ugly truths.  I traced most of my discord to... clutter. Yes! Clutter. Simple, right? WRONG!  It went much deeper than I thought.

To Be Continued.....

No comments:

Post a Comment